Burning Questions

Compulsive gambling is an illness. It is not a defect of character. It is not a lack of willpower. It is not a moral failing.

Those of us who have suffered from this condition know that, once the obsession has taken hold, we cannot control our gambling. We may make sincere resolutions, swear that this time will be different, and fully intend to stop after one bet. Yet, sooner or later, we find ourselves gambling again, and often face incomprehensible demoralization.

The medical profession recognizes this condition as a progressive illness. Unless arrested, it grows worse over time. Financial losses increase. Relationships deteriorate. Fear, shame, and despair become constant companions.

Many of us found that gambling was the one place where we felt fully alive, relieved, or at peace. For a time, it seemed to solve our problems. In the end, it only deepened them.

The encouraging fact is this: countless men and women who were once hopeless have recovered. By seeking help, following a proven program, and relying on the support of others, they have found freedom and a new way of life.

Only you can answer that question. No one else can make the diagnosis for you.

But we suggest that you ask yourself this: Has gambling brought trouble to your finances, your relationships, your work, or your peace of mind? Have you tried to quit gambling and found that your best intentions were not enough?

If the answer is yes, you may be suffering from compulsive gambling.

Many of us were helped by answering a simple set of questions, known throughout the Fellowship as the Twenty Questions. These questions have guided countless men and women to an honest appraisal of their condition. Most of those who came to identify themselves as compulsive gamblers answered yes to seven or more.

If, after reading the questions, you find yourself recognizing your own experience, take heart. You are not alone, and there is a way out.

These 20 questions have been used in gambling recovery for decades. If you answer yes to seven or more, that's a signal worth taking seriously.

A sanctioned meeting is a group of men and women who have joined themselves to the Fellowship of Gamblers Anonymous and have registered with the International Service Office. These meetings follow the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Gamblers Anonymous and are listed in the official directory.

Throughout this meeting finder, such groups are marked so they may be readily identified by those seeking help.

We do not believe this to be so.

Many meetings that are not formally registered are sincere gatherings of people who are honestly seeking freedom from the obsession to gamble. Some follow the Twelve Steps closely. Others make use of different methods.

In the beginning, the important thing is not the label on the meeting, but whether you find there a spirit of honesty, understanding, and accountability. If a meeting helps you refrain from gambling and lays the foundation for a new way of life, it is serving a useful purpose.

We suggest attending several meetings and choosing the one where you feel most able to recover.

This expression refers to attending one recovery meeting each day for ninety consecutive days.

For many of us, the early days were the most difficult. The compulsion to gamble was strong, and our old patterns of thinking and acting did not disappear at once. Daily meetings provided us with structure, support, and a place to go when the urge was greatest.

This practice is a suggestion, not a requirement. Yet many who have found lasting recovery believe it was one of the most helpful actions they took.

Because meetings are now available online at all hours, this suggestion is more practical than ever before.

No.

Our program is spiritual, but it is not religious. No one is required to accept another person's conception of God.

The Steps speak of a Power greater than ourselves. Each individual is free to understand this Power in his or her own way. For some, it is God. For others, it is the group, nature, or simply the recognition that they can no longer recover by willpower alone.

What is required is not a particular belief, but an open mind and a willingness to seek help.

If you desire to stop gambling, you are welcome.

A Higher Power is any source of strength and guidance greater than one's own unaided will.

The program leaves this matter entirely to the individual. Some call this Power God. Others find it in the wisdom of the Fellowship, in the order of nature, or in a quiet conviction that they need not face life alone.

The exact definition is of less importance than the admission that self-reliance, by itself, has not been enough.

For many of us, this surrender marked the beginning of hope.

A sponsor is a recovering compulsive gambler who has undertaken to share his or her experience, strength, and hope with another.

A sponsor guides the newcomer through the Twelve Steps and is available when difficulties arise.

This relationship is neither therapy nor instruction in the ordinary sense. It is one person helping another by sharing what has been freely given.

Many of us have found sponsorship to be an indispensable part of recovery.

Attend meetings regularly and listen carefully.

In time, you may hear someone whose words reflect the kind of recovery you seek. When that happens, ask that person if he or she would be willing to serve as your sponsor.

Most members are honored to be asked and will gladly help if they are able.

If you are uncertain whom to ask, tell another member or a trusted servant that you are seeking a sponsor. The Fellowship will help you find one.

We have found that those who ask for help are seldom left without it.

The 12 steps are a program of personal recovery used across many addiction communities. They're a process for honest self-examination, making amends, and building a different way of living. Here are the 12 steps as used in gambling recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over gambling — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed.
7. Humbly asked God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God (as we understand him), praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having made an effort to practice these principles in all our affairs, we tried to carry this message to other compulsive gamblers.

Reading the steps is one thing. Working them with a sponsor is where most people find the actual value.

Gambling debt is one of the hardest parts of confronting this problem. The shame around it can feel like a wall. Here's the most important thing: stopping gambling comes first, not the debt. Until the gambling stops, the debt grows. Once you stop, it doesn't.

The path most people in recovery find works is honest accounting, steady payments over time, and a lot of patience. It's not fast, but it's real. Some people consider bankruptcy as a quick escape. Many in recovery find it doesn't touch the underlying problem, and that working through the financial damage the long way is actually part of what makes recovery last.

Some recovery communities offer what's called a Pressure Relief Group (PRG), a one-on-one meeting specifically set up to help sort through financial, legal, and employment pressures. Ask about it at your meetings.

You are not the first person in this situation. Many people have walked out of what looked like an impossible financial hole. One day at a time.

There are several levels of care. The right one depends on where you are:

• Outpatient therapy: A licensed therapist who specializes in gambling addiction is a solid starting point. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) works well for this. Your primary care doctor can refer you, or search Psychology Today's therapist finder filtered by gambling addiction.
• Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP): Structured programs with multiple sessions per week that let you stay at home. Often covered by insurance.
• Inpatient / residential treatment: For more severe situations, a residential program provides around-the-clock structure away from gambling triggers. Programs typically run 28 days to several months.
• Recovery meetings: Free, available 24/7, and a strong complement to any level of professional care. Find one now.